And to tell the truth, I didn’t saw it either. Until I read the whole sentence of course. I wonder how many of you are fooled (or not)? Let me know!

Niet dat ik niet genoeg heb aan deze blog, helemaal niet juist, ik vind het gewoon fijn om ook een Engelse blog te hebben en Tumblr was de ideale uitkomst. Hier kun je met het allergrootste gemak teksten, foto’s, quotes, filmpjes etc. opzetten en dat komt mij heel goed uit. Voor inspiratie of als ik gewoon eens iets wil laten zien, ga ik dat daar voortaan doen. Op mijn eigen domein zal ik ook nog bloggen, maar vooral over mijn eigen leven en wat columns etc. Natuurlijk zal deze web-log gewoon in het Nederlands blijven, op Tumblr schrijf ik wel in het Engels.

Jup, het heeft dezelfde lay-out als mijn web-log, dat vond ik eerlijk gezegd wel zo leuk. Het verschilt wel ietsjes en ik zal de pagina’s nog in het Engels gaan schrijven (net zoals ik op deze blog dingen op ga ruimen en opnieuw in ga delen). Volg me dus daar ook maar, eventueel, als je dat zou willen. (:

In welke taal blog jij?

After my neighbor helped me out with the bikes, I drove to La Push. I needed a challenge. I needed to see Edward again and if that only would be possible in this way, then I would do whatever it took to see him again.
I parked my car and while I did, Jacob came out of his garage. He threw his tools away and ran towards me.
“Where have you been?” Jacob smiled and he pulled me into a hug.
I smiled too.
“I’ve got something for you,” I sais and for a second, I hesitated. Would Jacob even want to help me? Well, if he didn’t want to, I would find out soon enough.
Jacob still smiled, and asked me what I got him.
“It’s a little bit strange,” I sais and I threw the sailings off, so Jacob could see the bikes.
“Since when do you motorcycle?” he asked.
“Er… since now,” I said and I got my hair behind my ear.
“Okay.”
“I know. It’s completely dangerous and reckless, but—“
“Completely dangerous and reckless indeed,” Jacob laughed, “So when do we start?”
For a second, I thought I had been dreaming, but when I looked at him, I know I hadn’t. This was for real.
“Er… right now?” I said and Jacob started to get the bikes of my truck.
I warned him the bikes were pretty heavy, but he didn’t seem to have any problems with the weight at all.

I woke up all sweaty. I shivered. The dream had been about my friendship with Jacob. Edward had came back—after I saved him for a change. I had hurt Jacob so many times. He loved me and had promised me to not stop fighting for me until my heart stopped beating. And that would be fast, even though it wouldn’t happen soon enough for me.

Then I remembered the one condition Edward had. I had to marry him. I shivered again. Marry. Mar-ry. If only the word freaked me out already, what would it be like if I’d really marry him? I was only 18 and however I didn’t like aging—I was getting older all the time, Edward would be forever seventeen—I felt like it was just too early.

Now that I had been thinking about Edward, I noticed he wasn’t in my room. First it frightened me a little bit, but soon after that, I realized he’d be gone for a few days. He had to hunt, even though he didn’t want to.

I closed my eyes for a second and I felt alone. I was already used to his presence so much, that I couldn’t even think about being separated from him again. The hole in my chest—which had not healed ever since he left—was open. Even though I knew he’d never leave me again and when I was with him, the hole didn’t heal.

I took a look at the clock and saw it was only 1.30 am. I was laying down again, trying to get some sleep.

—

Charlie was already gone when I woke up again. He’d be fishing now, with Harry. Although I didn’t understand why he liked fishing so much, I knew it would cheer him up, and I also knew he could use that right now.

I got dressed and went downstairs. I made some toasts, but when I started to eat them, I threw them away. I felt sick and I went to the living room. I sat down the couch.

I don’t know how many minutes I had been sitting over there, but suddenly Jacob stood right in front of me.

“Hi Bells,” he spoke softly. I looked him in the eyes and he stared back.

“Hi Jake,” I whispered.

He sat down next to me and hold me for a little while. He didn’t say anything, but I knew he enjoyed this little moment. He knew Edward was on a hunt, and that’s why he had come here.

“How are you?” he asked.

I sighed. “I’m fine, Jake,” I said.

“Last time he was gone, you were not fine at all, Bells,” he whispered.

“Last time Edward was gone, I thought he wouldn’t come back, now he will and I know it.”

“How do you know that for sure?”

“He loves me.”

I could see that Jacob didn’t like the way I defended him. Edward hurt me and Jacob wasn’t going to forgive him soon, especially not when you knew Jacob wasn’t giving up on me.

“Sure he does,” Jacob said and he stood up again, “Well, are you going to spend your day in house, or do you want to do something fun?”

I looked at my best friend and then smiled. Although I wanted to do some homework this weekend, it wouldn’t be that worse to spend some time with my best friend, did it?

“And what would that be exactly?” I asked.

“What about cliff jumping?” Jacob laughed.

“That’s not funny, Jake,” I said and I looked away from him.

“I know, I know. Well, what about going to First Beach then?”

I nodded, that sounded way better than doing my homework. I stood up as well. For I even knew it, Jacob was outside already. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Jacob was now as fast as Edward. Or at least, when he turned into a wolf.

Whether the weather was nice today, I still took on my jacket. Then, I wrote a note so Charlie would know where I was when he got home earlier.

“Bells?” Jacob shouted.

“I’m coming,” I whispered, but I knew he could hear me anyway.

—

“Hi Bella,” someone called me.

I turned around and saw Embry right in front of me. I smiled at him.

“Hi Embry, how are you doing?”

“Fine Bella, fine, as always,” he said and then turned to Jacob, “Sam wants to speak to you, bro.”

“Sam can wait,” Jacob said.

“I don’t know if he thinks like that too, Jake,” Embry said and he looked at him urgently.

“Don’t you see I’m busy? I can’t leave Bella here alone,” Jacob insisted.

“Sure you can, it will only take a few minutes, you know.”

Jacob looked at me and then turned to Embry again.

“No, I can’t.”

“Jake…” I tried.

“Listen, Bells, I’m not gonna leave you alone. I don’t want to. I have to protect you,” Jacob explained to me without even looking at me.

“I can take of myself,” I said, but I knew exactly what he meant. Edward wasn’t here to protect me and he would kill Jacob if he only knew Jake left me for a few minutes, unprotected. Even though he did it himself once, of course, but he had thought he had protected me that way.

“No, you can’t. There’s still someone out there who wants you dead, in case you forgot.”

Oh gosh, it just wasn’t only the thought of Edward killing him if he would just go away for a few minutes, it was Victoria as well. Victoria, a red haired vampire, wanted to have me killed as well, because Edward killed her partner last year.

Because I knew Jacob wouldn’t leave me anyway, I didn’t respond. Not that I was that scared, but I knew Jacob was determined. He would not leave as long as he had to leave me unprotected.

In the distance, I could see someone else coming. Although I didn’t have such good eyes as Jacob or Embry had, I could see it was one of the wolf pack.

“Bro, I can watch out for Bella,” Embry mentioned quickly.

Jacob gave me a quick glance and then nodded. So, Embry would stay with me and he would go off for a little while. I smiled and nodded at Jake. He could go, he would be back in a few minutes anyway. Sometimes I thought I was just a little kid, who needed to someone to look out for her, but I knew I better didn’t mentioned it that way, I couldn’t defend myself after all.

The boy in the distance came closer and beckoned Jacob to come with him. It was Quil, the other best friend of Jacob.

“Go, Jake, you’ll be back in a few minutes,” I said.

The next moment, Jake had turned away from me and was running towards Quil. Embry started to walk and I decided to walk with him.

“So, Bella, what about you?”

—

“I’m so sorry, Bells,” Jacob whispered when he turned off the motor.

He had driven me home again, because it turned out to be impossible to do something fun together today. Jacob looked at me and I could see he actually was sorry. I shook my head and then moved closer to him.

“Jake, it’s not your fault.”

“Yes, it is, I could’ve rejected,” the black-haired boy told me.

“Rejected? I’m sorry, but you can’t reject something like that and I know that as good as you know that, Jake. Listen to me, I’m safe now and Edward will be home in a few hours. Don’t worry about me, I’m going to be fine.”

Sam had seen Victoria again, so the wolves had to lookout for her and kill as soon as possible. Or at least, that was what Sam had been thinking. Victoria was hunting on their area, although Victoria probably didn’t know it was their area, and that was not allowed according to the pact. But for Jacob, there was another reason to kill her, since he found out Victoria wanted to kill me.

“As long as you’re home alone, you’re unprotected, Bells, I don’t want to leave you,” Jacob said and his face suddenly was very close to mine.

Before I could even realize what he was doing, I felt his lips on mine. He was warm, very warm. Maybe I would even mention the word ‘hot’. No, Jacob was my best friend. I couldn’t kiss him. It wasn’t fair, I was actually cheating on Edward now, but I couldn’t stop myself. It felt good, I didn’t want to stop, so I kissed him back.

After a minute, I turned away from Jacob and felt guilty. I blushed.

“I’m sorry, Jake, I should’ve not let that happen,” I whispered.

“But you did.”

“It’s no excuse.”

I stepped out of the car and wanted to go inside, but Jacob blocked my way. His eyes were warm. I closed my eyes for a moment and then looked down.

“You know you love me, Bells,” Jacob said.

Maybe I did love him, but I still loved Edward too. I couldn’t be away from Edward again, it would hurt me, although Jacob could heal the wound as well. Not as good as Edward did when he came back, but I could live without him as long as Jacob was around me.

“I can’t do this, Jake,” I said.

“Yes, you can.”

“What do you know about that? I love Edward, Jake, you saw yourself what he did to me when he left. I can’t be without him anymore and you know that.”

“Bella…”

“No, Jacob, I just can’t.”

With those words, the conversation had ended. He kissed me on my forehead and then turned away from me. He started to run and in a few seconds, he was gone.

I was going inside and sat down on the couch.

—

Just as I was going to sleep, Edward suddenly stood in front of me. I shocked and my heart was starting to beat faster.

“It was about time you would be afraid of me,” he smiled.

I grimaced and went upstairs. I didn’t hear Edward come after me, but when did I actually hear him? Right, never. When I got into my room, Edward was already laying down my bed. I tried to act normally, not to think of the kiss Jacob gave me today.

“How was hunting?” I asked him.

“As usual. I drove Emmett crazy, because I wanted to go back,” Edward laughed.

I lay down next to him. Edward kissed me and I couldn’t help thinking of Jacob. I sighed and tried to calm myself down. I loved Edward, damned, how could I’ve been so stupid to kiss Jacob back? Jacob wasn’t going to give on me, especially after what happened today. I was happy that Edward couldn’t read my mind, but he would know when he read Jacob’s mind. No change that Jacob was going to hide the kiss from Edward.

“Something’s wrong?” Edward asked.

“Yes, there is,” another voice said.

Great, now Jacob was in my room as well. I hoped Charlie was asleep already. As I expected, Edward groaned. He read Jacobs mind already and suddenly stood in front of Jacob.

“You have to consider the possibility that I might be better for her than you are, bloodsucker,” Jacob said.

I stood up and was going to stand right between them.

“I have considered that possibility, dog, and I would’ve been happy if she choose you, so I wouldn’t bring her in any kind of danger anymore.”

“Stop it,” I whispered desperately. I didn’t want both Edward and Jacob to fight each other. Edward was my boyfriend, Jacob my best friend and I couldn’t help love them both. I didn’t want to choose, because I knew who it would be.

Or, at least, I always thought I knew.

“So why are you always coming back then? It would’ve have been so much easier if you just stay away from her, as you did before,” Jacob snapped.

“Because I’m only leaving if she sends me away, it’s her choice,” Edward answered.

From that moment, I knew I had to choose between them. They would never, ever, do such a thing to hurt me and just leave me, so I had to send one of them away. In my head I repeated the many scenes I had been kissing with Edward and the kiss scene of me and Jacob today.

Surprisingly, Edward wasn’t even mad at me. He was mad at Jacob, that he kissed me. He didn’t blame me to love him, because Edward knew I would be save with Jacob although he hated him. There was even a possibility that Edward wanted me to choose Jacob. No, I knew that for sure, because he has actually just said that.

“Stop it,” I repeated and finally I got their attention.

I knew they wouldn’t hurt each other, because they would hurt me then.

“Why don’t you both just go away then?” I demanded and I could feel they were both looking at me. I didn’t want to have them leave, I really didn’t, but I don’t felt I had some kind of choice right now. I didn’t want to choose right now and send one of them away. I wanted to have them both, even though that wasn’t a possibility.

Without saying anything, the both of them left, after they gave me a kiss on my forehead. As soon as they were both gone, I lay down on my bed. I started to cry and knew they could both hear me.

“Don’t you dare to come back tonight,” I muttered and I tried to get some sleep. I would be better to have none of them around me tonight, so I wouldn’t be confused. As if I wasn’t confused yet, but still. I thought of Edward. But right after that, I thought of Jacob too. Edward was perfect, but Jacob was so warm and probably—just like Edward had said—much better for me too. Why couldn’t I have them both? Why had it to be so hard?

I stared at the ceiling and just before I fell asleep, I knew who I would choose…